Camping with the cullens
by Blahboredom123
Summary: What happens when Bella goes camping with the cullen boys? will Emmet go too far with his pranks on her? Will Jasper even be allowed to TALK to bella? And will edward let the big bad tree get her?
1. SURPRISE!

ok...this is my first story and it isn't funny yet...I'm just trying to get the characters emotions and reactions right right now now so bear with me peeps... i would love constructive critiscism...not you being mean...you get what i mean... so please give me suggestions and keep reading because I think you'll like it!

disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it...and unfortunately I am NOT Bella...except in my dreams... see you tonight at 11:30 Edward!

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JPOV 

I lay on the hard wood floor of my sanctuary writing poetry. Well...it was more like writing words then crossing them out. You see, every time I tried to start a poem about Alice, the love of my life, everyone's emotions would get in the way. My entrancement with her smile mixed with the overly frisky emotions of Emmet and Rosalie. My awe at her dance like walk mixed with Carlisle's over excitement.

In fact, now that I think about it, Carlisle is a little overly excited. And I was becoming curious as to why.

I was about to go downstairs and ask him what was on his mind when I heard him call.

"Everyone! Family and Bella meeting in the living room!" I sighed, knowing that I would be pressed up against the back wall while Edward held Bella protectively away from me.

EPOV

"Everyone! Family and Bella meeting in the living room!" I heard Carlisle call from downstairs. I knew the only reason why he called was because of Bella, me and the rest of my family would be able to hear him if he were whispering.

Bella looked at me, her big brown soulful eyes questioningly. I squeezed her shoulder as gently as I could and tugged ever so slightly to get up from my couch.

We walked carefully down the stairs, her careful for injuring herself, and me carefully making sure she didn't injure herself.

When we arrived Carlisle had a very evil grin on his face...he was blocking his thoughts...and jasper looked paler than usual (if that is even possible)

I was scared to death...(no pun intended

EMPOV (emmet's point of veiw... ok so when I do EPOV its Edward, and when i do EMPOV its emmet...if the confuses you tell me and I'll write Emmets full name...no not Emmet Cullen... but Emmet...ok back to the story!)

Edward looked scared to death! His hand was holding onto Bella's so hard she was wincing! He looked just like the time when his pleather pants ripped when I tried to teach him the disco...he never did like that era...hmmmmm

My thoughts were cut short when Carlisle had cleared his throat.

"I have decided..." I gripped Rosalie's waist tight, she glared at Carlisle, i knew that she knew that he was going to suggest something she'd hate...he always does...lets meet the human...lets not eat the human...lets like the human-really i don't get why she hates Bella so much, she's kind of awsome.

"I have decided that we should take a family camping trip! With Bella!" I hadn't expected that! Man this was going to be awsome! Ok i would need to bring a lot of duct tape, lots of coca cola and those minty things whose name escapes me...

EPOV

Emmet's mind was going out of controll! _I hadn't expected that! Man this was going to be awsome! Ok i would need to bring a lot of duct tape, lots of coca cola and those minty things whose name escapes me..._

I tuned him out and concentrated on Bella's face, I of coarce wanted to go, i love the out doors, its beautifull...just like Bella. But I wouldn't go unless she did.

Alice and Rosalie groaned...that would be a no from them... i understood Alice not wanting to go...she was always the target for Emmet's pranks when we went...but Rosalie is just such a premaddona!

"any one else object?" carlisle sighed.

"Hon, I'd really like to re-paint the house if you guys are leaving!" Esme suggested

"I can help!" Alice offered

"Ugh! BUGS! NO WAY!" Rosalie scoffed

"okay, boys? Bella?"

"Do you even HAVE to ask?!?!" Emmet whooped with joy

"I'm in." Jasper answered shyly _I really hope I don't have to keep track of the distance between me and Bella the whole time...whoa Emmet's happy...too happy_

"Bella?" I asked softly

"I'd do anything if you were there." Bella whispered blushing... god how i loved that blush!

"Then I guess It's settled...the Cullen Boys and Bella are going camping! We leave tommorow morning, Edward take Bella to her house and help her pack. Tell Charlie that the girls and myself will be there... that should keep him calm."

Thats when I picked Bella up and ran with her untill we were outside the pale yellow door to her house.

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ok...tell me how ya like it...guess if you can find out what prank Emmet's planning (i might try it myself) and I'll try to update soon if people like it. 


	2. panty patrol

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight...just a copy ;)

ok second chapter because I'm bored!!!! yay boredom!

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BPOV

Edward let me borrow a big mountain hiking backpack. I eyed him skeptically.

Sighing he said: "We don't _usually_ bring anything with us, we like to rough it. It's funner that way for us, but since you're coming we should bring camping gear. I'm going to pack extra deoderant, you do not want to know what Emmet smells like when he doesn't have it on."

I shudderd and set to packing things into the pack, Edward helped. I mentally went over a list of what I would need over the weekend as I packed it all in.

_shirts_

_pants_

_toothpaste and brush_

_hair brush, conditioner, shampoo, soap_

_pajamas, pillow, sleeping bag_

_underwear._

_oh...wow I didn't realise that I would have to pack underwear in front of Edward...well that could be embarrasing.. i dont want him to get any mental images-although i'm sure that Mike gives him enough of those...gross teenage boy minds and all their stupid testosterone._

I turned my back to him and opened my underwear droor slowly so that he wouldn't ask why I was in such a rush.

"Haven't we packed everything you need? I even put a book in there in case you get bored, and Carlisle is taking care of the food and sleeping arrangements." He actually did sound puzzled... _he's probably thinking that I'm one of those girls who severely over pack._

"Just clothes.." I told him.

"You don't need anymore, I've packed plenty of socks and -" _I cannot pack my panties and bras when he's watching me this closely...geeze just let me pack edward!_ "-outfits, and I packed your sweat shirt and your favorite pajamas...what else do you need?" he contemplated

"God Edward! when did you start getting so nosy?!?" It really wasn't like me to say something like that, usually i would just mumble my answer and continue blushing.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, your right. You need space."

"no, Edward, Its just-" I mumbled in a whisper so low a human could not hear, but sadly Edward wasn't human. "I-i'm packing my uh, u-u-underwear." My face was so red from blushing I felt like i had a fever.

"oh, I'm so sorry I interrogated you over something so simple as underwear."

a car horn honked and I hear Emmet yell "EDWARD! BELLA! Hurry up in there!"

"Hold on! Bella has to pack her panties!" Edward yelled back

_of all things to yell at Emmet he had to yell that I was packinng my underwear...no i was packing my panties, panties is far more embarrasing than underwear_


	3. Emmet the kool aid man

Disclaimer: Let the truth be told that I am awsome, but not awsome enough to write twilight-so I just write FF's for fun and am definately not stephanie meyer!

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EPOV

"Hold on! Bella has to pack her panties!" I yelled back to Emmet. I could hear him start laughing, and looked into his mind to see what was funny _Bella's panties! HA! Panties is such a funny word! Why doesn't he just call them thongs? That's what Rosalie and I do, or does bella wear...OMG NO WAY! BELLA WEARS GRANNY PANTIES!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_

"Shut up Emmet!" I yelled out the window, how dare he think of what Bella wears under her clothes, how dare he. Besides, I've seen Rosalies thongs one too many times in his thoughts and I hoped to never find Bella there.

"I'm done." Bella blushed, pulling the stuffed backpack's straps over her delecate shoulders.

"Let me get that." I offered taking it off her back and picking it up with my pointer. She frowned at it.

"Soon enough." I chuckled

"promise?" She asked, hopoe flickering in her eyes.

"What is soon to me may not be to you, but it will happen...lets not discuss it now." Whew avoided the water works

" WOULD YOU TWO HURRY UP?!?!" Emmet urged. I lifted Bella and ran her down to Emmet's monster of a jeep.

"We're driving?" Bella asked

"No, but we have to get back to our house, and then we run, then we'll walk untill we find a good camping place for you." I answered sweetly

"How would you know, we usually just hunt and run, oh and the time we went skinny dipping!" Emmet hooted with laughter, Bella raised her eyebrows.

"I'd rather not be reminded." But of coarse I was, pictures of my naked self ran through Emmet's mind, I cursed and hugged Bella telling her I wouldn't let the big bad Emmet get her.

"Remember, bro, I can read Carlisle's mind...and he's hoping you behave, you're going to let him down aren't you?"

Then we pulled into our driveway.

"Oh Yeah..." Emmet bellowed like the kool aid man from those pointless T.V commercials. I sat ther, fearing for Bella's life.


	4. PRANK

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not stephenie meyer and neither are you

HaHaHa!!! (manacle laugh) I updated before you saw it DIE SAM!!!! HEEEE (sams like one of my best freinds who promised to read it...just to unconfuse my baffled readers!! Cool! I'm on alert lists!)

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BPOV

We drove for a little while, long enough to put me to sleep on Edward's shoulder, although that didn't take much these days...I hadn't gotten much sleep when he left me.

"Bella" Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear, while he shook me awake. It must have meant it was time to run...whoopie! sarcasm

Carlisle carried the tents and my pack (he also pretended it was heavy...even though he could probably lift a dump truck no problem.) Emmet carried his surprisingly large pack and my food. Jasper had a bag of supplies. And Edward carried me, and some mysterious things of his he had packed...I really wondered what they were.

EPOV

Bella had fallen asleep on my shoulder, She was so beautifull when she slept. Her heart was slowly beating, and her breathing was even. The only thing I missed when she slept was her blush, apparently she doesn't get very embarrased in her own head. Oh god how I love her.

"Edward, please stop. You're making me sick." Jasper winced. _Jeeze, I know he likes Bella lot, but his puppy love emotions are getting on my nerves!_

I growled at him. Then woke Bella gently before placing her on my back and running through the trees. She clung to me tightly, I enjoyed that. I'm glad that no one can read _my _mind, then they might know why I run with Bella so much.

We stopped when we reached denser woods, Carlisle and I could run easily throught them, but Emmet...he's thicker than the Hulk.

We walked for what I assumed was nearly three miles, Bella had been panting the whole way...I was about to carry her when Carlisle anounced:

"This looks as good a place as any." And we all set our bags down, Bella collapsed onto a log.

A soft rumble, almost too soft for even my ears danced inside my head. It was Bella's stomach.

BPOV

I was so exhausted. I sat down immediately and took deep breaths. I.HATE.WALKING! My stomach grumbled slightly

"Bella, It's nearly seven at night, have you eaten anything today?" His voice was concerned, I didn't want to worry him more, so I avoided the question.

"Did you?" I asked, oh drat! that hinted that I didn't! crap I'm bad at avoiding.

"Touche. There are some sandwiches packed in the black bag, pick one out." He told me. I obliged and opened the pack.

SNAKES! one after the other came bounding towards my face through the open bag, I fell to the floor in horror.


	5. Bella kissed WHAT

Disclaimer: I'm the G to the A B-B the I the E and Stephanie can't write it down like me! I'm not Steph-a-liciouse

Thank you all for the reviews! And sam, I'm so so sorry, you are right, you read it like 1 minute before I updated (grrrr) and no, I will not give you $5 for being right! Please reveiw and give me suggestions for Emmet Pranks, or just review ( i like 'em) !!! YAY 5th chapter!!

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JPOV 

Immense fear radiated from Bella as she fell to the floor in horror, it hit me like a maelstrom. She screamed bloody murder. I started laughing, emmet, Carlisle, even Edward joined me. Real snakes were not attacking Bella, jumping snakes were! It was one of the funniest sights I had seen in a while, besides when Rosalie had made Emmet put her new bikini on so she could resize it...

" YOU PUT ON ROSALIE'S BIKINI?!!!?" Edward shouted, writhing on the floor in laughter. A mental image of him glaring at me in the hot pink number ran through my head and Edward laughed harder.

"I bet you guys would put on a bikini for Bella or Alice!" Emmet acused...he was right, I probably would. I shuddered when I pictured myself in one of Alice's reveling, frilly bathing suits. Edward laughed even harder, Bella had finally figured out the snakes were not real and was covering her ears from Edwards loud laughter.

EMPOV

I noticed Bella covering her ears on the floor, as did Carlisle (who was holding back giggles at the thought of me in a bikini) and Jasper. The only one who didn't notice was Edward, and that was unusual for him.

"Edward! STOP! You're hurting Bella!" Edward did stop, immediately...he looked at Bella with so much remorse you would have thought he accidentally killed her with an axe!

"Bella, I am so sorry, I am the stupidest vampire ever!" Bella laughed.

"Edward, a little ringing in my ears is not going to kill me!"

"I know, but you could have lost your hearing, I swear on my mothers life-"

"Edward, you mommy is dead" I reminded him

"I know!" He growled. "As I was saying, I swear on my mother's _grave _that I, Edward Cullen, will never endanger you again." Edward anounced solomly. Bella stood and walked briskly over to him (I won't mention that she stumbled over a branch and carlisle had to stop her fall...hee hee I DID mention it) and she planted a kiss on his lips, they held it there untill I broke the love-fest with my sudden and very intellegent noticing:

"EEEEWWWW BELLA"S KISSING A CORPSE!!"


	6. don't do it Edward!

Disclaimer: Hello, my name is Gabbie...so i am obviously not a stephanie...get it got it good.

Ok, thanks to the peeps who reviewed! But seriuosly... I NEED Emmet pranks! Come on people, i know you have a bad side! UNLEASH IT! ok...maybe not... just help me

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EPOV

_eeeew, Bella's kissing A CORPSE! _I heard Emmet think. I didn't even have enough time to growl at him before he screamed it.

"EEEEW BELLA'S KISSING A CORPSE!" He screamed, carlisle gave him a reprimending glare, I growled, and Bella wiped her lips...which really upset me, she had never wiped off a kiss before.

"Alright, Emmet, I think we should keep our personal opinions to ourselves."Carlisle scolded.

"I agree." Emmet started. "But he is dead, which makes him a corpse, and Bella was making out with it." _ooooh Edwards going to kill me for that... oops better block my thoughts...ummmmmm smack dat out on the floor smack that gimme some more smack dat..._ I stopped listening to his thoughts.

"Yes, Emmet, I _am _going to kill you." I smiled menacingly before chasing him (vampire speed) about twenty three times around our new camp site.

" EDWARD STOP!!! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" I heard Bella yell. I immediately stopped.

"Edward, take Bella into the tent I set up while you were fooling around, and help her unpack." Carlisle commanded

"Gladly." I assured him, grabbed Bella around the waist and walked her into the tent.

"Yeah Eddie! Help bella unload!" Emmet mocked. That was it. NO ONE CALLS ME EDDIE!! GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

"I"ll be right back, Bella." I told her "Time to kill my older brother!" She sighed as I sped out.

BPOV

I sighed, I had really wanted to be alone with him.

"NO EDWARD! NOOOOOOOOO! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" I heard Emmet yell.

Edward came back in snickering menacingly.


	7. Jaspers urinary problem

Disclaimer: God... I don't even WISH I was stephanie mayer, I wish i was Bella so edward would love me and be my boyfriend..so NO IM NOT STEPHANIE MEYER!!!

lol suz, you should read the book!!! ITS AWSOME!!! thanks for reviewing though.

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BPOV 

"NO EDWARD! NOOOOOOOOO! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" I heard Emmet yell.

Edward came back in snickering menacingly.

"What did you do?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

"Nothing." Edward smiled innocently.

"Edward!"

"Alright! I maaay have thrown a-um-veryrabidevilchiptmunkathim..."

"I'm sorry, WHAT?"

"I might have, oh say, thrown a very rabid evil chiptmunk at him..."

"Thats...weird." I told him. Edward shrugged.

"I needed to throw the nearest thing at him. Well, Jasper was closer, but I don't think he would really apreciate that...the chiptmunk was the next closest thing. You shoiuld have heard what he was thinking about us!"

"Wait. There are rabid evil chiptmunks here?" I asked wide eyed.

"You're scared of chiptmunks, but NOT vampires? You never cease to amaze me."

"No, its not that, its just..." I trailed off, i didn;t want him to know what I was going to say.

"Just what?" He asked, loking up from undereath his lashes, dazzling me into oblivion

"Well, you've been a little over-protective lately... It isn't like you to let the chiptmunks get me." I answered, realising how dumb this conversation sounded _let the chiptmunks get me??? holy crap thats queer._

"I would never let the chiptmunks get you." Edward said defensively.

"Sorry."

"No need darling. However, carlisle wants to talk to me now, he's mind shouting. WHAT!?!"

"GET YOUR STONY ASS OUT HERE!" Carlisle shouted. He swore, he never swears.

JPOV

I was minding my bussiness. I mean REALLY minding my _bussiness_, I was whizzing behind a tree. (Vampires only have to pee when an animal had urine in its system and you accidentally drank some...apparently the deer I ate REALLY had to go. How I didn't notice I was drinking that confuses and disgusts me.) That was when Carlisle aproached me.

"Jasper?"

"Holy crap Carlisle! I'm peeing!"

"I can see that."

"I dont WANT you to see that!"

" I'll turn away, but you do know I see it all the time at the hospitol...pooping too, did you know old people sometimes finger paint with it?" **(A/N My dad is a nurse dont laugh... all my friends do...yeah thanks guys and thats what he told me...the finger painting part...gross)**

"ok...didn't need to know that."

"yes well, your eyes are looking a bit dark, Jasper. We have a human with us, and well...you don't have the most self controll. Edward's eyes are looking a little dark too, We'll all go hunting together, Emmet can watch Bella."

"I just ate a deer this morning!"

"No you didn't, by the looks of it, you weren't paying attention and drank its...well you know."

"oh. How embarrasing." I stated. If I could blush I would have. And that poor deer. Off somewhere with its gallbladder torn to shreds...hopefully it died from loss of blood.

"no, one time me and Esme went hunting and we were..."

"I don't want to know, your emotions tell it all."

"oh, right."

"You better go get Edward." I said while zipping my fly.

"Yes I'll do that."

EMPOV

After Carlisle, Jasper, and Edward had left I decided that I should bond with Bella.

"Bella come here!" I called. She looked up from the book she was reading and walked out from the shade of the tree.

"Yes Emmet?"

"I think we need to talk."

"ok"

"about...Edward." She looked at me questioningly. "Please sit Bella." As she did so it only took a swift movement of my arm to take care of what needed to be done. As her butt hit the log a loud fart blew through the air. I looked at Bella's face, a firetruck would have paled in comparison.


	8. Emmet and Bella have the talk

Disclaimer: ok, i dont own twilight, i dont own new moon, and I DON'T OWN EDWARD!!! sulks

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EMPOV

As her butt hit the log a loud fart blew through the air. I looked at Bella's face, a firetruck would have paled in comparison.

I tried so desperately to keep a strait face.

"Bella?"

"oh, um-I-um-wow-um-emmet?" her expression turned from embarrasement to concern when she saw me rolling on the floor lauguhing.

"y-y-your!!! Ha ha ha aha Your FACE!!" I continued laughing, and pointing at Bella, she stood up and realised I had placed a whoopi cusion under her butt.

"EMMET!" She sounded a little angry, but her face was so red! I really wanted to touch it...edward always said her face was really warm when she blush's.

"Sorry Bella."

"ok." She said starting to giggle.

"so, um, yes lets talk about edward..."

"ok."

"yes, well he's your boyfriend."

"He also has topaz eyes."

"no bella, that's not what I'm getting at."

"What _are _you getting at."

"well, he kisses you right?"

"yes..." She answered slowly.

"have you ever-"

"EMMET!" Bella screamed, blushing like mad. Tears were coming to her eyes, an angry habit of hers.

"oh, no thats not what i was saying! Ive already talked to him about _that._" Bella's eyes were big and her face turned even more red."Have _you _ever kissed _him._"

"Yes" She replied confidently.

"besides in the meadow?"

"how did you-"

"answer the question."

"no." She blushed looking down at her hands.

"I think you should."

"why?"

"He is a man."

"hey he said tha-"

"I dont think he knows how much you love him. Trust me, he wants this."

"ok."

"Oh, they'll be here soon, I wouldn't look at Edward. He's kind of a messy eater."

"oh." Se headed back to her tree and began reading again.

"We're back!" Jasper called. He walked forward and fell on his face.

"What the- WHO PUT THIS ROPE HERE!" I giggled


	9. Edward is gangstalicious? What the heck?

Disclaimer: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...im trying to think of something interesting to say...and cannot...grrr i guess I just dont own twilight...yeah, sry im so boring!

oh yeah, and im sorry all the characters are OOC!!!! and sorry for spelling Emmett with only 1 T...wow i dont know how to spell

ok, thanks to everyone who reviewed!!!! omg i can't beleive im this popular of a story!! 8does a happy clappy dance in circle ok enough of that...oh, sam im sorry to hear about your "spacer despair" ouch 8!!! yipes (hee hee i only had 4 when i got my braces on...ok sorry that was mean) oh, and sometime i have to write your funny poop stories that you told in gym...THEY STUCK A LOLLI POP UP KMY BUTT!!!!

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EPOV 

"Hey-WHO PUT THIS ROPE HERE!!!" I hear Jasper yell. He was lying on the ground, sprawled with his feet stuck in a near invisible strand of fishing line.

"EMMETT!!!" I heard Jasper scream, then there was a loud bang as Jasper's body hit Emmett. I ran over to Bella to protect her from the two vampires who were attacking each other.

"Hmmm, if i were human i would want some popcorn for this." Carlisle smiled as he sat down next to us and crossed his legs.

It was nearly a ten minutes before they stopped (which is a long time for someone who is fighting at vampire speed.) It was then that my Bella yawned and I looked down at the rolex on my wrist that told me it was 10. Usually she didn't go to bed this early, but she must have been very tired because she drifted away right in my arms.

"Can I have Bella guard duty tonight? PLEASEEEEEEEEE????" Emmett whined

"Why? We aren't even in town and she's with four vampires, i dont think Victoria will even TRY to get at her."

"Yes, but I wanna."

"Do i ask to be with your wife when she's sleeping?"

"Thats different...she doesn't."

"Ugh, thats repulsive, and no, you may not watch _my Bella _sleep"

"fine mister big shot vampire guy!"

"ugh, oh no you did NOT just call me that"

"Oh YES I DID!!"

"DO NOT MAKE ME SNAP MY FINGERS ON A Z FORMATION!"

"ooooh Emmett, you just got served!!!" Jasper called.

"OH yeah? Well Jasper, EdwardI'm calling you out!"

"you want to have a dance off?"

"NO! A FULL ON PRANK WAR! first one to bail has to eat TWO pieces of pizza!"

"NO!" Edward cried

"ok, Emmett, but I'll enjoy watching you eat those words...and the pizza!" Jasper mocked

"OOOOOH BURN!" Edward cooed

"What the heck man."

"I thought we were still trying to be gangstalicious."

"Gangstalicious?"

"oh don't pretend you dont know what I mean. I'm just so gangstalicious your jealous!"

"Back away slowly Jasper, very slowly."

And with that the prank war began


	10. oh god AN

oh god! Ok, so my mom told one of her friends (i think its her friend) about my story (shes proud...and weird... and i think she might be bipolor... but thats on a different note) and she told her son...or sons... im not sure (theyr twins, another boy and this really cute little girl who is really funny.) and one of the twins (bryan... who is one of my partners on a science project grrr mrs. Deaver GAVE ME THE WORST GROUP EVER! throws a rampage) ok, so he told me he read the first chapter in science class AND IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING ( this isn't one of those weird stories where you like the guy, its just like- i know him, and really only anonomouis people who i dont know personally and my best friends have read it... and this is the WORST thing I've ever written - well almost the worst-) ok, so he was just like "I read that story you wrote, well i read the first chapter, blah blah blah." and I swear my face resembled bella's right after alice tokld her that she DID smell good (very blushy.) my GOD!!! im hyperventilating.

oh and by the way (sam, my friend from school) chole is now cecilia...stick that in your juice box and suck it!


	11. Pink Bella and Emmett the blonde bimbo

Hey everyone!!! I'm really sorry this took so long (please dont eat me)

Disclaimer: i am not stephanie meyer...i dont have three sons, a husband, and i never went on vacation in Forks...deal with it

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BPOV

The Prank war was to begin today. Immediately. I had never played a prank on a vampire, and a vampire has never played a prank on me. And i'd like to keep it that way!

Tommorow we would wait untill after I had lunch, then we would run home. You can't camp forever right? I really need to shower. That's the one thing I hate about camping, no actual showers. Ugh.

"Edward. I need a human moment."

"Alright." Edward unwrapped his hands from my waist so i could get up.

"Where can I have a human moment?" I asked. His expression looked puzzled.

"The woods Bella. Like the last time."

"I need to take a shower Edward. Not go to the bathroom." I blushed.

"Oh. umm. CARLISLE!!" Edward called for his "father"

"Yes Edward." Carlisle sighed as he strode toward us in one fluid motion.

"Bella needs to bathe."

"Ok." Carlisle agreed as he walked away. Edward stopped him.

"_Where_ can she bathe?" Edward asked.

"Oh! I think there's a lake in That direction. not too far." Carlisle anounced pointing westward.

I stood up to get my bathroom bag, but Emmett apeared in front of me with it in an instant.

"Here you go bella." Emmett smiled. His smile was sugary, and that creeped me out. But Emmett always creeps me out. so i paid no mind to the fact.

I walked for what seemed like an hour. not far away? PSH! Not far away for a vampire, maybe. But me going at my death crawl (so as not to trip)

I washed and dryed, put on my robe and was on my way back to the camp site. It was so dark. Very Dark. It had to be around nine.

"Edward?" I called out. "Edward I'm scared." I started crying, thinking of how I would never make it back. Edward would laugh and realise that I was never good enough for him. Emmett and Jasper and Carlisle would find me and stick me up in a tree so that I could never come down again.

"BELLA!" Edward called when he saw me crying in the dark (i hate how his eyes can see everything!!) "Shhhhh Bella, it's ok. It's ok. I'm here now, its o-" Just then Edward started fingering my hair.

"EMMETT!!!!!!" Edward Yelled. I covered my ears, but before i realised it i was on his back and we were at the campground. Emmett was rolling on the floor with his booming laugh shaking the trees.

In the firelight I could see a strand of my hair dangling i front of my eyes. It was-it was- it was. ARGH!!!

"PINK!!!!" I yelled and threw myself at emmett. He stood me up and started running at a slow pace, me running full speed behind him.

"Bella! Stop!" Edward was screaming as I chased Emmett around the tent.

"WHAT IS GOING ON!" Carlisle demanded as he grabbed me with one hand and Emmett with the other.

Carlisle glared at emmett, then shifted his gaze to my angry face, red from the running and scolding. I could see him trying to maintain his composure as he took in the sheer absurdity of my apearance.

"Pink" he muttered and started laughing uncontrollably. Yes. Me. A funny sight to see. with pink hair and an angry face. Everyone laughed with glee.

EPOV

He dyed my angel's hair pink. I should be furius. But I'm not. It is quite funny. Even carlisle's laughing. But I need to get hm back for this.

I ran inside of his, Carlisle's, and Jasper's tent _they were sharing one, me and bella sharing the other. What? I watch her sleep every night. ITS NOT AN OBSESSION!! AND I AM NOT PARANOID THAT PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS AN OBSESSION! hey. im reading my own mind. wait. i can do that all the time. IM SO CONFUSED!_

But i set my plan into action. I grabbed just what i needed and ran out towards the fire.

"oh emmett darling!" I called sweetly.

"what the heck edward." Emmett asked before he saw what i was holding over the fire.

"NO! EDWARD DONT DO IT!"

"Sing. Or Mr. Suggle Wuffle goes in."

"ANYTHING! what do i have to sing?"

"hmmmmm. This is why i'm hot??? Nah. BARBIE GIRL!"

"Hi barbie! Hi Ken!-" He sang the whole song before Jasper jumped out of the bush brandishing his tape recorder.

"He got you bad Em." Jasper laughed. Emmet lunged for his teddy.

"There you are. its ok, its ok. your safe now."

_funny _i thought _Emmett talks to a teddy bear the same way i talk to bella when she's scared. Did he even notice we recorded him saying "_I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly"

_oh well._


	12. cat boy

Hi people!! I LOVE YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING!!!!! omg love love love love love.

now, everyone has to say I love you to LucidNightFall, because she is such a fantastic reviewer (and an evil mastermind!!) I LOVE YOU LucidNightFall!!!!!!

oh, and everyone, I'm working on a new story called Forever Dawn. look it up and review (or I'll attack you with a squirt gun!!!)

ok, here's the new chappy!!

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EMPOV 

I cannot belive they would hurt my little teddy weddy!!! HOW DARE THEY!!!!

After I put my baby away safely in my tent I went back outside. Perhaps Little Jazzy needs to be taught a little lesson for tapeing me...hmmmm.

I ran into the woods. Found what I was looking for, set a trap, and dispersed. It was all I needed. It would make Jasper cry...or almost cry...or wish he could cry!!!

"Hey, Jasper?"

"What."

"I think you need to hunt. Your eyes look a little dark, and we wouldn't want you to hurt poor Bella." I made a pouty face.

"honestly Emmett, I feel fine."

"Jasper GO!" Edward demanded, his arms were snared around bella's waist in a protective hold. He had even knocked over their game of cards.

"HEY!!! CARLISLE WAS THE OLD MAID!! I KNEW IT!" Bella exclaimed. Ah bella, she always looked on the bright side. she didn't care that a vampire might eat her, just that the vampire was the old maid.

To make a long story short, I drove Jasper crazy with my determined emotions, and he followed me into the woods, bad idea. I turned to him, my expression evil.

"Hey, what's that over there?" I asked jasper

" a deer."

"You should go eat it."

"I'm allergic."

"no, your not. Vampires can't be allergic to anything."

"Well, your emotions are driving me up the wall. ENOUGH! I am not going over there, heaven know what will happen to me."

Ah, then he turned the opposite way to leave. Perfect.

"ARGH!!!! What the Fing H just happened!!" Jasper screamed. He was hanging upsidedown. Arms crossed over his chest. Sending me emothions full of pure hatred. I began advancing on him. Brandishing my weapons; A mascara wand, and a tube of orange lipstick (thank goodness for quick mart)

"You wouldn't." He warned.

"Oh, i would." And with that, i used the mascara to make cat whiskers, the orange lipstick to make orange stripes, and I turned my dear younger brother into a cat boy. Ah the wonders of make up.

I carried him back to the camp. Tied him to a tree and tada! That was fun.

"Emmett, your retarted." Edward chuckled.


	13. butt polish

sorry it took so long everybody. please please please dont tie me down and make edward cullen marry me!!! PLEASE (that my dear friends is reverse psychology!)

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Recap:

_Emmet, you're retarted" _

BPOV

I had to admit that Emmet got him good. And I also had to admit that all of this camping was getting to my head. When did I EVER get so excited about a card game before? well, I suppose that's what happens to people when they go camping...they go crazy for card games. How sad.

"Edward?"

he apeared instantly by my side like the good boyfriend I knew him to be.

"Yes, love?" he asked, looking up at me from under his lashes.

"Edward, I love you. And I love your family, you have no idea how much I love your family! I love to watch Jasper as he works on a car...or Emmet as he works out without a shirt on-"

"Bella?" Edward's expression was worried...and I was imagining Emmet without a shirt on.

"oh, um. that was private. Anyway...I love you and your family so much- I just don't think this camping thing is for me...If I was changed I bet it would be much-"

"Bella, we have gone over this a million times and yet you still-"

"But WHY Edward? WHY WHY WHY!? why must you look like a runway model, while I look like that semi-retarted waitress at hooters???"

"Don't flatter yourself"

"EDWARD!" I screamed, punching him hard in the arm-causing me pain and him amusement. oh the humanity.

"Bella. Lets not argue now. Alright?" He had my face in his hands and his breath was dancing across my nose, dazzling me.

"No Edward, we muct." I stuck to my ground.

"You're right love, I wouldn't want to do anything to upset you...but I think that not talking about it was the best way, we should talk. you're right, you're always right."

"YOU ARE SO WHIPPED!" Emmett yelled. You know, I'm right here, standing besides you this whole time, and you think someone might acknowledge me...but no, you two just go gaga over yourselves while I'm standing besides you, laughing my heart out-"

"you don't have a heart"

"-yet no one seems to care. And it hurts my feelings! Although I was quiet flattered by that shirt comment Bella, _ouch._"

"Emmett, I swear that if you don't shut up right now I'm going to-" and that's when Edwards voice became so low and fast that I couldn't hear.

"sorry, guys. I'm just going to go...ummmm...polish my-my-my, ummmm butt or something. alright, see you guys." And with that Emmett turned and run.

Let that day be known as the day Edward made Emmett scared enough to polish his butt.

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and if you love me...you will go and review now. 


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